I hate the kind of associations I make with people. Mostly associations of countries and all that derives from them. Unfair I know. 

Belgium can never be a neutral country anymore. 

I need to talk about smoking, but perhaps I am hoping to tak about it in past tense. How futile is that hope? SHould it be a resigned sigh or a celebratory one?

I am impatient. I want words that aren’t from me but that are mine to claim. 

I went to a beauty parlour today and felt ugly. 

I want to meet and kiss Kuzhali Manickvel. Kiss her, hug her. 

And then I want to make filter kaapi and share awkward silences with her. 

But I don’t want to be waiting then. 

Fucking hell. 

I hate this day. 

But I don’t. Not really. 




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